Judging Others

In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

"May the Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon You"

Praise be to Allah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.


Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah
As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu

Judging Others

Sheikh Ahmad Al-Khudayri, professor at al-Imam Islamic University, Riyadh

As Muslims, the default assumption we should have about other people in any matter is that they are free of blame. Islam demands fairness and impartiality when it comes to judging others.

Allah says:

"And when you speak, then be just, though it be (against) a relative."

[Noble Quran 6:152]

He also says:
"O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of any people make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [Noble Quran 5:8]

It is wrong for a person to accuse anyone else of something wrong except with full knowledge and tangible proof.

It is forbidden to base a judgment against someone on hearsay, conjecture or suspicion.


Allah says:

"O you who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest you harm people unwittingly, and afterwards become full of repentance for what you have done." [Noble Quran 49:5]

He also warns us:

"O you who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! Some suspicion is a sin."

[Noble Quran 49:12]

In those cases where one is compelled to mention another persons faults, it is best to mention that persons good points as well. It is wrong to exaggerate the importance of the persons error or stress the fault too much, especially if it is possible that the error was an honest mistake or in a matter where the truth is not 100% clear.

If a persons error is clearly manifest and established by solid evidence, then it is not wrong to warn people against the error and clarify the truth. However, that correction must be carried out appropriately, in a gentle manner that does not drive people away. The mistake itself should be corrected without delving into anything beyond that. For example, the person who made the mistake should not be accused of having bad intentions or an evil motive.

Adth-Dthahabi, speaking about the mistakes of the scholars, said the following: [Siyar al-Alam al-Nubala' (14/374)]:

If we were to discredit every person who made mistake in judgment or declare those people as innovators - people who are essentially of good faith and sincerely seek the truth - then scarcely would any of our scholars be spared.

And Allah knows best!!

Khadejah Jones
ShareIslam.com

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BACKBITING

As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you),

Backbiting, something that is a problem everywhere and that can have detrimental effects on our Ummah and ourselves. So how this is detrimental to us?

On the Day of Judgment our good deeds will be measured against our bad deeds and whichever has the greater balance will effect our outcome on that day.

What does this have to do with sins committed against others?

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying:

"Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (peace be upon him) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakah but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire." [Muslim]

What is being described here is the bankrupt person is the one who runs out of good deeds on the Day of Judgment. How can this be so?

There is a part of the last day where the Muslims will meet on the Sirat (bridge), those that make it across this bridge go to Jannah, those that fall from the bridge will spend at least some time in the Hellfire. On this bridge each will take from the other whatever is outstanding from the previous life. So if a person has done something to harm another, they will take from that person their good deeds to reconcile with that person, so at the end everyone is cleared of outstanding matters, cleansed of their bad doings. Except for those who don't have enough good deeds to give to those who they harmed. As it describes in the Hadith. These will dwell for some time in the Hellfire to cleanse what is left of their sins.

What things are we talking about? You borrowed a pen from someone and you didn't return it, minor but still that person will come to claim what is rightfully theirs. You speak badly about someone or spread lies about them, they will come to collect. You borrow something and return it in bad condition without apology or replacing what you ruined. You steal from someone. You physically hurt someone. You short change them in a deal. There are some many ways in which we may cause harm or injustice to another person, and unless we sort it out now, in this life it will be sorted out on the Sirat in the form of handing over those good deeds.

How does this all related to the topic of backbiting?

Umar ibn al-Khattab came upon Abu Bakr as-Siddiq pulling his tongue. Umar said to him, "Stop, may Allah forgive you!" Abu Bakr replied, "This has brought me to dangerous places." [Muwatta']

We should be weary of our tongues and what we say. Think about this as an example ... how many times have you or someone else referred to one of your fellow sisters with a remark, "Look at the Hijab, isn't that ghastly" or some such similar comment. It isn't a huge comment, but just like the pen, it will be taken from you in good deeds on the Day of Judgment. We tend to focus on the big bad things we say, or others say without realizing that even the smallest thing will come back to us. And again think for a moment, one such small comment often begins a conversation which grows into worse forms of backbiting and slander.

Allah forbids these acts, as He says in the Quran:

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is The One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful" [Noble Quran 49:12]

Can you imagine that backbiting is like eating the flesh of your fellow human being?

Do you understand what backbiting is?

Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) said:

"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of Allah said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." [Muslim]

Backbiting is something that you say about a person that they will dislike you to say that is true about them. Even worse is slander because you are adding the addition sin of lying about that person on top of it!!

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

"Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise." [Bukhari and Muslim]

Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) also said:

"I asked the Messenger of Allah: Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of Allah replied, "He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands."

Are the Muslims safe from your tongue? Are you checking just what words are coming out of your mouth? Will you be handing out all your good deeds on the Day of Judgment because of what you said?

It is worth taking a stock take of what you say. Reflect upon that fact that the most likely person you say bad things about is most likely the person you would least like to share your good deeds with. Contemplate the effort you put into accumulating good deeds only to open your mouth and blow them all away!!

One last tip on this topic, it is easier to avoid backbiting, gossiping and slandering if you do not listen to such talk. It is also a sin to participate in backbiting by listening to others back bite.

Walk away or change the subject, but don't just sit there and absorb the evil utterances of others.

Etiquette of Speaking With The Opposite Gender

 

As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you),

By Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid

Praise be to Allah.

In brief, what the scholars have said about women's voices is that they are not 'Awrah in and of themselves, and there is nothing wrong with listening to them when there is a need to do so, so they do not forbid listening to them, but certain conditions apply, as follows:

The woman should speak without elongating the words, making her voice soft, or raising her voice. It is Haram for a man to listen with enjoyment, for fear of Fitnah (temptation). The decisive factor for knowing what is Haram in the matter of women's speaking is what is included in the ayah (interpretation of the meaning):

"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner. " [Noble Quran 33:32]

What is forbidden is being too soft in speech. It is obligatory for women to speak in an honorable manner, which means, that they should not make their voices soft when addressing men.

In conclusion, what is required of the Muslim woman when she speaks to a non-Mahram man is that she should adhere to what is mentioned in this Ayah.

1) She should refrain from what is forbidden and should fulfill her duties.

2) She should speak only when necessary, and only about matters that are permissible and honorable, not evil.

3) Between a woman and a non-Mahram man there should be no intonation, gestures, chat, joking, flirting or playful talk, so that there will be no room for provocation of desires and doubts.

4) Women are not prevented from talking to non-Mahram men when it is necessary to do so, such as dealing directly with them when buying things or conducting any other financial transaction, because in such cases it is necessary for both parties to speak.

5) A woman may also ask a scholar about some legal Islamic matter, or a man may ask a woman such questions, as is proven in various texts of the Quran and Sunnah.

Within the guidelines described above, there is nothing wrong with a woman speaking to a non-Mahram man. It is also permissible for men to greet women with Salam and vice versa, according to the most correct opinion, but this greeting must be free of anything that may provoke desire in the person in whose heart is a disease, so as to be safe from Fitnah and pay attention to the regulations outlined above.

If there is fear of Fitnah being provoked by this greeting, then the woman should refrain from either initiating or returning the greeting, because warding off Fitnah by neglecting the greeting is warding off mischief, and warding off mischief takes precedence over doing something useful. (See al-Mufassal fi Ahkam al-Mar'ah by 'Abd al-Karim Zaydan, vol 3/276).

And Allah knows best.

The Role of Parents in Their Children's Lives

By Maria Khani

Play

Quoting a saying of Imam Ali where he says children should be played with until the age of seven, after which they are disciplined for a further seven years, and then befriended for the next seven years,

For example, prayer times should be a time of great joy for young children, not something that is rushed. Parents can tickle and play on the prayer mat and display affection before starting, so that children have a positive association with this important ritual.

Love

- Parents can nurture love within the home and love for Allah and His Prophet through gentleness and warmth.

- Pick up the Quran, take your child in your arms and read together. Ask him or her to point out words they know or that you want them to learn.

- Move beyond memorization alone, and capture your child's imagination by telling them the stories that would make a typical fairy tale pale in comparison.

- Flying creatures? Al-Buraq.

- Miraculous objects? A Pen, which wrote about everything that would happen.

- Look for topics that would engage children - study the animals in the Quran and work on crafts that relate back.

- Make the Adhan a fixture in your home.

Encouragement & Support

Respect is key to the success of any family, and translates to communities where children are heard and are encouraged to participate. This starts at home. Parents should make time for their children - why do teachers often know more about our own children than we do? If that's the case, more time with your child is in order.

Respect your child's needs. No one likes to get up in the morning and immediately head to work, for example. Give children at least one hour and a half before they have to leave the house, or start an activity. How best to wake them up? Massage them, kiss them - make waking up a bonding activity that everyone looks forward to. Make sure children are well fed before starting the day.

Teach Generosity

Encourage children to share with others. Only buy them what they need, not what they want. Let them give of their time and their effort, and they will soon prefer to give, rather than receive.

Muslim Versus Mainstream

Make Eid an awesome party.

Talk about the point of celebrating achievements.

Teach about sensitive issues - like sex education - through references to the Quran and Sunnah (which a parent can slowly impart between grades 4 to 7). Other health topics from the Sirah include information on how to keep bodies clean.

For daughters, show the honor of Hijab, emphasizing its beauty as something a woman voluntarily does for the sake of Allah. Mothers should talk about how they feel about their Hijab, and share their own experiences with it.

Father's Role

Parents should consult each other on how to raise their children. In Surah Al Baqarah, Allah Talks about the decision to wean a child as one that both parents should make.

"...but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them," [Noble Quran 2:233]

Nowadays, many fathers have given up this responsibility, but it is important for them to remain involved in the upbringing of their children.

Remember The Goal:

When Prophet Zachariah called on Allah to grant him a son, he wanted someone to carry on the Prophetic tradition. The aim of having a child was to raise someone up who would carry on the mantle of righteousness.

"And surely I fear my cousins after me, and my wife is barren, therefore grant me from Thyself an heir, Who should inherit me and inherit from the children of Ya'qub, and make him, my Lord, one in whom Thou art well pleased." [Noble Quran 19:5-6]

Remember, Prophet Noah lost his son because his son's actions had cut him off from his own father (which shows that ultimately, even the best parent cannot be sure of the outcomes.)

"[Allah] said: O Nuh! Surely he is not of your family; surely he is (the doer of) other than good deeds, therefore ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge; surely I admonish you lest you may be of the ignorant." [Noble Quran 11:46]

Raise your children with love and kindness, and pray that Allah will save us all